what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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