I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
