dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize