I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
