im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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