well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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