Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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