if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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