My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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