it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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