get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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