I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
