You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
