went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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