We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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