Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
