You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
honey bunches of taint.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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