I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
