Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
