she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
