We're like a lot better than the average bears
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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