Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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