A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
