Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
