no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
