He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We need to rekindle our bromance
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
