I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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