Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
