The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
