I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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