i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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