my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
