I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
