i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
