It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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