I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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