Don't make out with my wife yet
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
