I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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