So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
