3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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