I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I will be naked everywhere
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
