i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
