The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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