ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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