yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
