He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
