I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
