which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
