Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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