Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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