Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you never un-have a 4some
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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