My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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