Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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