This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
