I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
