I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
