Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
