Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
