she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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