she woke up with a sticky ear
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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