Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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